Scientific Discovery of the century!

Scientist have been trying for years to determine if there is another intelligent life form out there. Well, folks, I’ve figured it out. Thru 10+ years of clinical, hands on, research, I can safely say, Yes, there is another intelligent life form and it’s right here on earth with us.

What is this mystery life form you ask? Viruses.

Yep, that’s it ladies and gentlemen, what we affectionately refer to as “the common cold,” “the bug that’s going around,” and the Dr.’s ever favorite “It’s just a virus.” Those little bugs are the smartest darn thing on the planet and they’re in cahoots with Doctors!

Their business plan is pretty simple if you think about it, they sneak in under the guise of a hand shake, a hug, an uncontrollable sneeze, or a used fork passed off as clean at your favorite hole in the wall restaurant. Then, they take up residency, make you achey, crabby, uncomfortable in your own skin, but to make matters worse they find the kids.

Here’s where the money maker is: They hide dormant in the kids until after 5pm, and I mean 5pm in what ever time zone you’re in. They know it, they set their clocks to it and wait. They send the minions off to throw a few symptoms out so Mom’s know the kids are a bit sick, making us wonder, “Should we call the Dr?” “Will they get over it on their own?” “Is it just a virus?”  Once you decide to wait it out another day, that’s when they strike!

Come sun down - BAM! You’re kids are party central for fevers, gagging coughs, sore throats, painful ears, etc… So you rush off to Urgent Care, unsure if they (or you!) will make it thru the night (come on, who wants to be the mom that waited “just too long?”), only to have the kids either perk up just as soon as you get to the waiting room or they wake up the day after you’ve spent $$$$ for co-pays, perfectly fine ready to run and play!

The Dr’s pocket the money, the germs jump ship and lay in wait for the next victim to party in, all the while assuring the Dr’s they will once again get to pad their pockets. See? Evil Geniuses!

(* This is not factual, obviously, and this is nothing against the doctors who I know are not actually “padding their pockets” out of spite or any other sadistic reason or partnership. No hate mail please, well, the germs can hate me, truly, I hate them so it's only fair.)