Happy 4th of July!

Today is a special day in our family for several reasons.

1) It’s Independence Day! We celebrate with family, say a prayer of thanks to those who have and are fighting for our freedom and enjoy the summer weather. We eat, drink, swim and if we’re lucky, watch a firework display or two.

2) It’s the final day of a three day weekend. All the chores have been done and there is still a day off to relax and be together.

3) Today is the anniversary of my mom and step-dad’s wedding.

My parents divorced when I was 17 and married my step-parents when I was 19. My dad and step-mom live out of state and my mom and step-dad live in my childhood home. I was old enough when they married to be out of the house so, originally, there was not a ‘parent-child’ relationship between myself and my step-parents but rather a comfortable friendship. Over the years though, that has grown into an entirely different relationship.

Every year when we celebrate their anniversaries I’m reminded of what I gained in the marriages. Today, the 11^th anniversary of my mom and step-dad’s wedding; I get to see them sneak kisses, exchange meaningful looks and celebrate their marriage. I am reminded of the way they were both glowing while standing in front of their family and friends vowing to love, care for and support each other for the rest of their lives. They were both married previously and both already parents They were adults who had lived a 1/3 of their lives already but in so many ways, they were teenagers embarking on a whole new life.

Like any blended lives and families they had to learn how to find balance between their previous lives and the one they were creating for themselves. My younger brothers were still living at home at the time so my step-dad was involved in the day to day parenting yet had to defer to my mom who still co-parented with my dad who was blending life with my step-mom. It was an arduous task that required a lot of patience. My step-dad was not use to our ‘large family’ ways of loud, big family dinners, everyone in everyone else’s business and family wide decisions. It took some getting use to and there were bumps along the way but none set him running for the hills. At the end of the day I knew one fact: He loves my mother and she loves him. They are each others best friends and because of that bond, anything was possible.

As an adult now, (given that I’m 30 and have three kids I guess I qualify as an adult) my step-dad is one of my best friends as well. I talk to him every day and if for some reason we don’t talk, we call each other to comment on how strange it is that we haven’t talked. We both love to cook and play video games and often do those activities together. We share recipes, we buy each other games and stay up late playing them. We email funny videos and how-to tips to each other and have entire conversations with out actually mentioning the topic or person we’re talking about. We make each other laugh to the point of tears and we share a fierce loyalty to my mom.

My step-dad is also my children’s B-pa (grandpa) and he is their hero. Something’s broken? B-pa can fix it. Want a special snack? Ask B-pa. Want to learn magic, chess, or how to raise chickens? Ask B-pa. The girls squeal with delight every time, when I tell them we’re going to see B-pa, even if we’ve just seen him a few hours ago. Anthony never passes on a chance to go to his house. Makenna cries for B-pa every school morning when we turn Left into the school vs turning Right towards his house. Hailey and Makenna both have daily conversations with B-pa on their toy cell phones. Anthony goes to hang out with him once a week after school to play video games and spend ‘guy time.’ Anthony and Hailey have learned not to look down when B-pa proclaims: “Ugh, you spilled something on your shirt!” Because they know he’ll bonk their nose and tell them he tricked them once again. The girls run into his arms and Anthony proudly says “Love you B-pa” no matter who’s around. (Remember, Anthony’s a 10 year old boy. It’s not always cool to be affectionate) Best of all, B-pa lights up when ever his grandkids come over, call or are brought up in conversation. His love for his them parallels their love for him, maybe even surpasses it.

None of this takes into consideration what changed with my mom 12 years ago. She blossomed in so many ways under his glowing love. It’s hard to describe because at her core, she’s the same mom that I have always known, yet, she is a new person. Divorce is hard for everyone; the dissolving of a marriage is a slow, painful, and tearful process that is hard to recover from. Learning to love again is also a slow, sometimes painful and tearful process, yet it’s one full of joy. Watching my mom rediscover herself thru new love, learn how to share her life and modify her ‘set in ways’ taught me the beauty of growth and the power of healing.

Like any child of divorce I use to harbor secret dreams of my parents reuniting but I can say with my full heart that I now can’t imagine my life with out my step-parents. I am truly fortunate to have so many loving and caring parents around me and my children are blessed to have such a bounty of grandparents.

Today I am thankful for our independence, honored by the presence of such a powerful marriage and grateful to be surrounded by love.

Happy 4^th of July!