The Moral Dilemma of Swiper the Fox

Yes, you read this right, Swiper the fox should be cowering in his fox hole right now contemplating his morality. Dora too! Though, probably not in a fox hole.

One of the recent topics of discussion between Brad and I has been morality, work ethic, generosity and other characteristic traits and qualities. The topic was born from Pappy’s passing and preparing for his eulogy. As most eulogies go, Pappy’s highlighted his best quality’s and commented on how he passed those qualities on to his children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The question later arose between Brad and I: How are these traits and qualities passed on? Are they shown by example? Taught as lessons from our parents? There are varying interpretations of these lesions as Brad and I looked at our siblings and our parent’s siblings. Are we genetically dispositioned to carry on the traits of those before us? We wondered how as parents, we were suppose to “activate” these traits, live by example and teach the intangible lesions that build the framework of a good human being. How do we hone in on true north?

We didn’t come up with any concrete answers but rather that we need to have this type of discussion with the kids (at their level of course) and that we need to lead by example. We also decided that we need to be open and honest with the kids when we are faced with moral dilemmas as adults. Letting them see our conflicts and our ultimate decisions and how they affect us. (This means my accidental klepto days are over – come on mom’s how many of you have gotten to the car after leaving the Target check out with kids in melt down mode only to realize that the $3 bottle of hand lotion you grabbed was laying under your purse? With full tantrum in effect do you return back into the store or just chock it up to a mistake and chuck it into your car along with your kids?)

This brings me to the Dora dilemma. I’m a TV mom, always have been, I personally like having the TV on and think that for the most part kids shows do a great job of teaching life, reading, math and other preschool type of lessons. My kids LOVE Dora. They watch it daily and have our DVR set to record all the episodes with special instructions not to delete their favorites. The list of favorites includes Star Mountain, Dora’s Ballet adventure and recently Swiper’s big adventure: Swiper the explorer. The last one is what they were watching the other day and for the first time, I really paid attention to the subject and the corresponding “discussion” the girls had during the show.

*Warning, this is way analytical, over the top and just demonstrates my ability to deconstruct something totally benign and turn it into something big.

If you know Dora the Explorer then you know Swiper the Fox. He’s the wily nemesis of Dora who goes thru each episode at about the half way point and tries to steal something of Dora’s. Yes, steal. They call it “swiping” but really it’s stealing. Swiper sneaks up on Dora and whoever she’s helping for the day and attempts to swipe something from them. The group puts up their hands and yells “Swiper no swiping, Swiper no swiping!” and Swiper snaps his fingers and says “Oh Man!” for being foiled in his attempts at the last second. These are some of the catch phrases of the show. My girls know them by heart. They know the sneaking music that starts before Swiper appears.

In Swipers Big Adventure, Dora finds a lost baby fox and vows to help it find its mommy and daddy. Swiper appears early in this episode followed by his usual chorus of “Swiper no swiping!” Except this time, Swiper coo’s over the baby fox and asks if he can help Dora return the baby home. Yea, Swiper’s going to help!

This would be a great spot for a moral lesson to the kids about how Swiper’s going to turn a new leaf. Graduate from a life of crime to one of helping kids. They could showcase how he can help, maybe have him return things along the way. But, nope, that’s not what they do. Instead, they have the standard 3 stops before they reach the end location and the standard 3 obstacles they have to overcome. In this episode, to overcome each obstacle, Swiper has to swipe something. For example, there’s a pile of coconuts in the way and Swiper volunteers to swipe them out of the way. Yea! Swiper’s the hero for stealing the coconuts.

Do you see my issue here? We spend all the other Dora’s teaching the kids that swiping is bad. Then, when it fits Dora’s needs, we condone his stealing. So, it’s ok to steal when you yourself are trying to do something good? (*I know, I told you this was a bit over the top) I kid you not, when Dora suggested that Swiper swipe the coconuts, Kenna shouted “Swiper no swiping! Swiper no swiping!” Then Hailey turned to Keanna and reminded her that it was ok for Swiper to swipe because he was helping to return the baby fox to his home.

Ugh!

Do the ends justify the means? Is it ok to do something wrong, against the rules or bad if your end result is something good? In some cases yes, but how do you teach a child to differentiate?

I’ll give you another example. This one is a bit harder and much more public. The death of Osama Bin Laden. Thousands, maybe millions of people celebrated his death, his killing. This was the conversation I had to muddle thru with Anthony the other day when we overheard another news report on the subject:

Anthony: “Mom, who actually killed Osama Bin Laden?”

Me: “They are not saying exactly who, it was a group of special op’s solders under Obama’s direction.”

Anthony: “So Obama’s getting the credit?”

Me: “Well, sort of, as the President, he’s the leader of the Armed Forces.”

Anthony: “So, is he responsible for killing someone? Will he be the one going to jail?”

Me: “Well…..No, I mean, yes, he’s responsible for the solders actions, but no he won’t be going to jail.”

Anthony: “Who will? I thought if you killed someone, you went to jail? Why are people celebrating?”

Me: “You know who Osama was right? You know that he was responsible for the 9/11 attacks and killed hundreds of people because of it?”

Anthony: “Right.”

Long pause

Anthony: “So, because he killed the hundreds of people, we got to kill him?”

Ugh!

No one told me 10 years ago that parenting was going to be so difficult. How on earth do I explain to my son that we’re angry at Osama for killing and as retaliation we kill him? I’m not saying that Osama didn’t deserve to be punished for his horrific crimes to all of humanity but…I’m shaping the moral compass of future generations here. Is this situation that much different than the Dora example? Killing is wrong, but killing is ok if the person really deserves it. Stealing is wrong, but stealing is ok when you’re doing it to try and help someone. At what point does “really deserve it” get judged, who decides if you’re “help” to someone in need justifies you breaking the rules to do so? How do I reinforce true north while examples abound of veering off course when the ends justify the means?

Does Swiper have a pang of guilt every time he swipes, does he feel that compass needle veering off course? No, probably not, should he have had a pang of guilt when he swiped those coconuts with little baby fox watching in awe at his amazing swiping powers? What about when little baby fox mimicked Swiper and crooned in his little baby voice “Swipe, swipe, swipe!”

Parenting’s hard!

End of the school year

I'm so excited for the end of the school year. Every year I look forward to the lazy days of summer. No bed time, no alarm clocks, swimming and camping trips. Every year by the time summer is over I look forward to structure, schedules, routine and cold weather.
Anthony has an annual end of school party with his buddy's so we have that to look forward to on Thursday. He wants homemade pizzas, homemade chips and a brownie sunday bar with homemade ice cream. Yum! I think I'm spoiling the poor kid! I'll probably make the sauce, brownies and ice cream tomorrow and the dough Thursday.

Anthony is taking two classes this summer, a rock climbing and speed stacking and we are renting a xylophone for him to learn. The classes are just fun one week courses and the xylophone was part of his new years resolution for himself. In 5th grade kids have the option of joining band and that's the instrument he wants to learn. We also decided to continue his 4th grade money management lessons this summer so him and Alana (who spends most summer days with us) will be getting a check register to record their earnings and expenses. I'm making up a list of how much they will "get paid" for chores, extras, and achievements. There will also be payments due for electricity, computer usage, swimming, special dinners, etc. They will have the choice to start a savings register as well and at the end of each month Dad and I will match the savings money into a real savings account. At the end of each month they get to cash in for real money and go shopping.

Sounds like a really structured no fun summer huh! I'm a mean mom, but I promise they look forward to summer every year!

Moving but getting no where

I haven't sat down all day! I've been cleaning, reorganizing and purging. Can someone explain to me why my house looks like nothing got done? Really, if I knew it was still going to look like this by 8:30 I would have just sat on my butt and read my book all day. Instead, I worked all day and it only looks like I did nothing. Usually I strive for the opposite. Doing nothing all day except a few min's of cleaning only to have it look spotless! Ugh!

I'm sure there is some positive end of the tunnel, completing goal satisfaction I should be feeling right now but instead my anxiety is up because Brad is due home soon and the house looks messy! At least I have a good dinner waiting for him! Considering it's a crock pot meal though I can't even pat myself on the back because truly I didn't cook, Mrs. Crock Pot did.

Maybe if I lit a few candles and offered him a shoulder massage while he ate he wouldn't notice the laundry on the couch (I'm still mid fold) the floors that haven been vacuumed, the three huge laundry bins full of toys and junk I haven't sorted out or the boxes of trash that are residing in each room as I continually purge.

Would it be too weird to ask him to eat blindfolded?

If I could just get him to the bedroom I'd be in the clear. (No, dirty minds, not for 'that' reason) That's the only room that looks clean right now. I still haven't purged it yet which means I didn't move the bed, let the closet vomit onto the floor or dump out the bedside tables.

I hate spring cleaning; I love a spring cleaned house!

All day meatballs in under an hour

Today was a great day. We went back to music class for the first time in over a month and the girls were very engaged. Usually I have to chase one or the other around the store and defuse at least one melt down, but not today. Kenna did wonder off a bit after a trip to the bathroom but I don't count that since music class was technically over.

After class the girls and I surprised Brad and took him out to lunch. We didn't get home till after 1, so nap time was a bit late. Since the girls didn't get up till 4 from nap, we had a late dinner and watched a family movie. The girls and I also did our nails while we watched.

I put the spaghetti sauce in the crock pot early this morning but the meat for the meatballs was still frozen so I just planned on making them after music class. Given that we didn't get home till 1 or up till 4 (yes, I capitalized on nap time too!) I needed to make them fast.

All day meatballs in under an hour

1 lb ground beef
1 lb ground turkey
1 cup bread crumbs
1/4 cup parmesan cheese
1 egg
1 small onion, graded
2-3 garlic cloves, graded
2 tbsp dried oregano
1/4 cup itallian seasoning
1 tsp salt
3/4 cup tomato sauce


Heat oven to 375. Remove 3/4 cup of sauce from your crock pot and let cool.

(You don't make your own sauce? You really should, but if not, put two jars of your favorite commercial sauce into a crock pot on low with 1/4 cup itallian seasoning and 2 tsp sugar and let simmer for 4-6 hrs - trust me!)

Mix all ingredients, shape into meatballs and place on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake for 25 min's then add to the crock pot with the sauce. Let cook for at least 30 min's. The longer they simmer in the sauce the better! Prefect!

Moving forward

Onward and upward
Back to life, back to reality
Just keep swimming, just keep swimming
To infinity and beyond....

Ok, sorry, I've had phrases like that stuck in my head all weekend. This week is hopefully going to be the start of the return to normalcy. Or, for those that think my 1950's ways are crazy, this would be the return to abnormalcy.

Today was a run to the dump (normally a major Man-chore) and then onto the grocery store. Tomorrow we have music class, Wednesday is a play-date (quaint huh?!?) then bunco. Thursday is swimming, and Friday is a trip to a newly renovated park in our area. I'm sure there's more but I can't think of it now.

I plan on tackling more of my spring cleaning list this week since I think it's officially considered summer I really need to finish or just rename it to Summer Cleaning list.

My weekly meal plan is:

Monday - Grilled BBQ chicken, corn on the cob, grilled onions and fruit salad
Tuesday - Homemade spaghetti sauce with meatballs
Wednesday - Crockpot pot roast with mini-potatoes
Thursday - Beef tacos
Friday - French toast casserole, eggs, hash browns, bacon and sausage

Hand

This hand fought in WWII and was an engineer on the Great American Railway
This hand touched world leaders and held soldiers in last breath
This hand was betrothed to a woman of legend, who captured it's heart
This hand raised children, held grandchildren and tickled great grandchildren
This hand clutched the bible and taught scriptures and psalms
This hand grew grand tomatoes and turned pages of westerns and romances
This hand knew how to tune a short wave radio and scan the channels of a CB radio
This hand hunted, fished, hitched rides and fiddled with generators
This hand drove trains, cars, motor homes and steered boats
This hand tinkered and fixed, broke things in mischief and humbly replaced
This hand dried tears after loss of a wife, brothers and friends gone before
This hand was strong and provided for many, rarely opened in request, but often reached in aid
Calloused and soft, tough and tender
This hand held mine as I grieved the loss of the life slipping out of it
This hand touched my heart


Goodby Pappy.
Thank you for raising the son who helped give life to the man I married, who blessed me with being related to you. We will miss you.

The traps of guilt

I'm blogging this morning from the beauty of our neighborhood park. The girls are running free and wild with their uncombed hair and self-picked mismatched clothes. If one of them had insisted on bringing a blanket I'm sure passers by would assume we slept here.






Ask me if I care this morning? Nope! Friday night we were with Pappy until 11p, Saturday night we were at the Centurions party and didn't get to bed until 2am and last night I spent the night holding Pappy's hand so he didn't try to get out of bed. Needless to say I'm really looking forward to nap time today and am hoping that this little jaunt to the park will result in at least a 2 hour nap! The least of my current concerns is the tidiness of my raga-muffins.

Friday night after leaving Pappy's, my sister-in-law and I decided to sneak over to Applebees to toast the night with a half price cocktail. It's rare that we get a chance to be together without at least two kids in tow so we jumped on the opportunity despite our already weary state. Our conversation was very interesting, we were talking about family values and the guilt that can accompany not following your instincts even when your actions are polar opposite to the situation. Let me explain: Pappy has spent most of his life a hardened isolist. That's not to say that he wasn't surrounded by family but if you turned your back, Pappy would slip out without so much as a good-by. He was never one to initate a hug and would often only return it with a stiff one arm over the shoulder. He enjoyed watching the grandkids play but was not a cuddly grandpa. He covered every inch of his home with family pictures and in general, spent more time looking at the pictures than with the people in the images.The conundrum this is leading up to is comfort in his final hours. When my grandfather was at this state years ago, he was never left alone in his room and always had at least one of us holding his hand. But, he was a physically affectionate person and thus raised my mom the same way who in turn raised me to be so. My core instincts are to treat Pappy the same. I find it difficult to see Pappy and not hold his hand or rub his back, so I do. He doesn't often push me away and many times grips onto my hand until some portion of my leg or arm is completely asleep. The question is though, is this comfort for me or for him? Are his reactions a genuine comfort with my touch or just simply an uncontrollable physical reaction from a failing body. If he were mentally aware, would he move away from my hand, tell me to leave him to sleep or to go home? Knowing how he was in previous years before the cancer took hold, maybe he would. I guess there's no way to really answer any of those. For now, I want to believe for my own sake that he does find comfort in the physical affection and on some level appreciates my ease of touch toward someone who spent most of his life choosing to be physically reserved. Maybe it's just to ease my own guilt. Guilt that, if he would prefer me not to touch him, is completely misplaced, yet because of my upbringing, it's guilt I'm wracked with none the less.

(Thank goodness the sangrias come in the fish bowl glasses, it was a heavy topic! Then again, maybe it's a good thing the topic was heavy so we had time to process the alcohol before going home.)

My kids are either going to grow up immune to guilt because I over do it or they're totally screwed and will feel guilt like I do only magnified from their own upbringing.

Randomness

I assume everyone understands my recent blogging absence is due to the whole death issue I posted about before. But if not, that’s why. My mother-in-law's sister did pass away, God rest her soul. Pappy, the stubborn ‘ol man, is still hanging in there. We’ve been spending a lot of time over at his house with him and his son's, Brad's dad and brother.  At this point, we are all hoping that his suffering ends soon. He is just miserable as is everyone watching the tumors eat away at him. Sometimes I think this is God’s way of having us left here on earth ‘want’ for our loved ones to pass. We hate seeing them suffer so we actually wish for death to claim them. It’s kind of God’s way of helping us cope. That’s not to say that a sudden death is any easier or harder, any death is painful and heartbreaking no matter how it’s dealt.  

Other than being with Pappy, I’ve had a lot of nervous energy so I’ve actually accomplished a bit this week. The accomplishments have all been random though. I’ve cleaned out my fridge, but not my freezer, baked cookies but not anything banana based even though I have a 30 lb box of bananas. I’ve scoured our bathroom but not our room. Done all the laundry but not put away the kids clothes. I’m a bit scattered this week. I spent all Tuesday in mega mode, moving constantly, feeling really accomplished but when Brad came home and asked what I did I couldn’t tell him what occupied my entire day. Sad huh!

This weekend we have the Centurions party. Its an annual themed party hosted by a group of local businesses, attended by over 2000 people and it’s a total blast! We look forward to it every year and despite everything else, this year is no exception. This year’s theme is Prohibition. I don’t think the guys are going to dress up but Sasha and I are going as flappers. I’m making the costumes for us so check back and I’ll share a picture or two. Assuming I don’t screw them up royally!

Sunday is also Mothers day as I’m sure everyone is aware. I love that Centurions is Saturday night and Mothers day is Sunday. That means I get to sleep in! Yeppie! We’re having dinner here Sunday evening which means Brad’s grilling something yummy. Not sure what yet, I’m sure in our inebriated state Saturday night we’ll come up with something yummy.

The kids are unfortunately doing the babysitter shuffle as I spend time over at Pappys but fortunately they’re having a good time with Aunt Sasha, grandparents and cousins. I don’t think Anthony is coping well with all the drama. I got a note from his teacher yesterday saying that he’s beginning to act out in class. I talked to him a bit last night when I got home but we promised to spend some time together this weekend talking. He said that he’s having a hard time doing his work because all he wants to do is be outside playing. For Anthony, that means his brain’s in overload. He spends hours outside at our house walking around the swing set and swinging while thinking and talking to himself. Sometimes he’s re-enacting movies or books, sometimes he’s working thru a math problem or science question, but sometimes I think he’s dealing with deeper issues too. My guess is that he’s having a hard time coping with everything and unconsciously he wants time outside to sort it all out. Hopefully we can get him thru the last few weeks of school with out further incident and work on other coping mechanisms this summer. Fifth grade is going to be even more self-directed than fourth and he’s going to start being influenced by hormones and girls pretty soon. He’s going to need some serious coping abilities.

Camping Trip

Well, that was exhausting! Someone remind me next time I want to introduce my 2 and 3 year old to tent camping not to do it with 50 ten year old boys and 30 adults. It was total chaos. The camp out was a family camp with Anthony's Boy Scouts troop. There were lots of parents but only a handfull of siblings and none as young as our girls.

Makenna ended up being a total princess. She couldn’t sleep on the “ard” ground so instead she ended up sleeping laid out over me and Brad the first night causing us to get little to no sleep. Hailey hated being in jeans and was upset every morning that she couldn’t put on a twirlarina dress. Friday we were able to compromise by letting her wear her gold sparkle slip on shoes around the camp, Saturday it was a bow in her hair and on her shirt and Sunday it was leggings instead of jeans. Some battles weren’t worth it.

Saturday morning at about 9am both girls were in total melt down mode from not having slept well the night before and my patience were running thin. Not a good combo with 80 people mulling about. So, since camp was only about 20 min’s from home, I took the girls and headed home for nap time. Unfortunately, neither napped very well and the shower didn’t perk them up as much as I’d hoped but we were determined to keep trying so I drove them back to camp about 3pm. They went on a hike with Brad and had a great time for that 30 min’s but right about sunset, Makenna was a total mess. The boys were trying to do skits around the fire and tell jokes and no one could hear because of Makenna’s whining. We tried stuffing her full of marshmallows and smores but that only gave us a few moments of peace until the sugar rush added to the chaos. Opps, didn’t think that one thru. After 30 min’s of screaming in the tent, we finally got her settled down on the air mattress that I had to inflate at home and drive up the mountain for the princess. The boys were running off their sugar high using their glow sticks as light sabers so we finally fell asleep at about 10:30. Makenna woke up at midnight screaming like a howler monkey again so Brad and I extricated her and Hailey back to the car and I drove them home again.

Back up the next morning after a seriously strong dose of coffee, we packed everything up and enjoyed watching two perfect princesses helping, being kind and happy campers. Ugh! Luckily, Grannie and B-pa offered to let the girls stay with them for the afternoon so Brad, Anthony and I could get some rest before family dinner Sunday night.

See, exhausting!

The highlights?

Driving my new car!

The other major highlight was Anthony.. He made me so proud several times. He was a great big brother, trying lots of different things to make the girls happy, coloring with them, chasing them around, showing them interesting plants or bugs around camp. He even picked up another “little sister” who fell in love with him and followed him everywhere. He was the first boy to jump in and help during his den’s KP duty. He volunteered to sleep on the floor in his sleeping bag giving me his cot. It was also encouraging to see him surrounded by his peers out in the wild. It helped convince me that he is not an alien just a typical 10 year old boy.

Anthony cuddling Hailey by the camp fire early in the morning

Coloring with the girls

 Anthony helping prep dinner - notice the other boys wandering around in the backround?

 Anthony way out over the wash and up the opposite hillside

Brad and I both really enjoy camping and grew up doing it so it's important to us that our kids have the same memorys but sheesh, maybe we need to wait just a bit longer. I think an adults only camp is in order to make up for not getting to cuddle by the fire, lay under the stars, wake up to nature not screaming.