Thanksgiving 2011

Thanksgiving this year was great, well, they all are, but this year was one of the better ones. We were determined to not spend the entire day in the kitchen cooking and cleaning. We, the girls, never seem to get to enjoy the holidays as a relaxing day with family, its usually a day in the kitchen up to our elbows in pots and pans. This year, instead, we gathered on Wednesday and prepared and cooked everything in advance.

Everything was perfect! All we had to do Thursday was reheat, cook what was already prepared or set things up. We got to enjoy the day relaxing, playing together and eating great food!

Us gals all made matching Thanksgiving shirts to wear. The theme was trees made of buttons. I think they turned out cute!

 

Our best friends, Sasha and Bill and their beautiful girls joined us this year 

My clan:

Go back up and look at the picture of all of us girls, look closely at the picture. Do you see it? The can of Ready Whip next to my mom's chair? It was bribery at its finest. The little kids were not exactly ready to sit and take pictures, they had full bellies and wanted to run away playing, so, we bribed them. One smiling picture equals a squirt of whipped cream. The little ones were all too fast for us to catch with the camera but we got two cute pictures of our big kids:

 Our 4 turkeys. Yes, 4 turkeys, we wanted to make sure we had enough leftovers. Trust me, we had more than enough! One turkey was buried in a fire pit for 24 hours, one was smoked over wine soaked mesquite, one was deep fried and one was baked traditionally in the oven. The pit turkey looked almost sick - it was falling apart completely and had no 'color' to it from cooking because it had no direct heat, but, it was my favorite. It was so jucy! Its the sick looking one on the far left.  

 The wine smoked one looked the best, it's the prize turkey. Isn't it pretty!

Anthony made napkin origami for the table setting, I think they turned out great. He was so proud.

 This was the first year ever that we've had a kids table. When I was growing up we always had a kids table. My brothers, my cousins and I were always at the kids table. It was a huge deal to get to sit with the adults, that was until we realized that the best table was the kids table. It's way more fun!



The ability to change

I’ve been contemplating the ability to change lately. I had an email conversation with a friend that was centered on the people we use to be. This is one of those friends that I only get to see maybe once every 2 years or so but in so many ways we’re soul mates. We met years ago when we were both up and coming corporate stars. The analogy that came to mind (forgive me) is Sonny and Cher. Inseparable for years and years then never seen together. Although, in this case, I became the Sonny Bono character. I am the boring Congress (wo)man, raising a family, no longer raising hell. My friend is still out there, shining in the corporate world, showing up employees more than double in age. (Or in Chers case, half her age)

Anyways, it got me thinking about how change happens. I made the conscious decision to leave the corporate world and raise my family. I decided and have loved my decision to become a stay at home mom and no longer chase the “cheese.” Those were changes I made. Yet, I never made the decision to be a crafting, home cooked meal, (obsessive) house cleaning, baking-just-for-fun type of mom that I am now. That just kind of happened, slowly, over time.

There are so many changes that I would like to make in my life. Nothing big, yet all things that I have tried to force at one time or another in my life. I’ll give you an example. I’m terrible, terrible! with cards. (Some would say the mail in general and although it does seem I have a mental block when it comes to the USPS, I prefer to think that I’m just ahead of the times, snail mail is on its way out.) My issue with cards is deep though. I don’t send out Christmas Cards, Invitations, Get Well, Birthday, Congratulations or Thank You cards. Any of them. That’s not to say I haven’t purchased thousands in my life. I’ve written poetic words, words of sympathy, words of love and support. Purchased cheesy (yes, they’re cheesy) picture post cards for Christmas that have never been sent. One year, my loving mom even went so far as to purchase the cards for me, print the return address labels and the To labels of those that she knew I would send to and she even bought me the roll of stamps and stuffed the envelops. All I had to do was put the labels and stamps on and then drop them off in the mail. Guess what? 5 years later they’re still sitting in my desk drawer in the exact same condition that my mom gave them to me.

I try to not get too worked up about non-personal cards and things like that but Birthdays and Thank you cards bug me. I grab a card, or spend a few min.’s in the isle at Walgreens moments before heading to a birthday party but I always feel like I should have given more thought into the card for someone that means so much to me. Forget about ever sending one off to someone I won’t actually see, I have a hard time even hand delivering cards to non-party birthday people.

Thank you cards haunt me at night. My kids in particular have been so fortunate and received amazing, personal and overwhelming amounts of gifts for birthdays and Christmas. It’s my job as the parent to send the Thank You’s, or at least, help them send the Thank you’s. But I don’t. I’m not going to make excuses (I’m always so damn busy, there is always something else going on that I have to focus on, I never have actual time to sit and do much let alone fill out cards) yet none the less, the excuses win every time. It usually starts out with high hopes of doing the cards the exact day the gift was received or if I’m being realistic I’ll plan to fill them out the next day. Then, it becomes the following weekend I’ll plan to do them. Then, somehow it’s two weeks past. By then I’m onto the next party, event, holiday or other planning whirl wind that I live in. Then, after about a month, I remember in a flash of pain in the middle of the night. I vow to the darkness to send them out the next day. Morning comes, coffee burns, milk sours and I’ve forgotten about my midnight vow. Every event that warrants a Thank You card brings on this month of torture. To compound matters, my OCD brain stresses me that if I start now with the Thank You cards, people will think that I’m not grateful for any previous gifts. So I start writing (in my head) long apologetic letters explaining my faults, begging for forgiveness and outlining every gift I can think of that the person has generously given. Multiply that times 3 kids, 2 adults and party guests of over 20 per party and I feel exhausted and weighed down just drafting the pre-draft, draft in my head. It feels so overwhelming that I end up just giving up. Yet, the guilt never really goes away. It just compounds.

For my birthday this year, Hailey (via my mom and dad) gave me the cutest Williams and Sonoma Message in a Cookie set. It has three shapes and lets you slide letters into the cookie press and customize a message. One of the examples on the box was a cute rectangle with the words Thank You on it. Hum. Maybe this I could do. I love baking, I can make it an event with the kids and cookies perish so I have to get them out with in a certain window. So, I set off making a double batch of these cookies. Taking the time to press into them the Thank You as if I could convey my long (admittingly over dramatic) saga containing all my faults and everything I wish I could say. I tried my best to shut out the part of my brain that said this wasn’t enough, that this was a cheesy non-personal way to say thanks and just move on. The girls and I made two dozen. Then I made homemade icing and piped on beautiful scroll work designs onto each one highlighting the beauty of the simple Thank You.

While those dried on the counter, I left to go get Anthony and my niece from school. When I came home…they were gone! All but two, one broken, one soggy. The rest were gone. Eaten by my dog. Can you believe it? My Thank You cards were eaten by my dog! It sounds like some lame excuse given to a teacher about a missing assignment. Except I’m not a kid and I wasn’t giving these to a teacher for credit, I was trying to change. I was trying to force a change that I’ve been ever unsuccessful with. If it wasn’t for the complete laugh-ability of the situation (come on, say it with me – My Dog Ate My Thank You’s!) I would have cried.

Laying in bed that night, I vowed once again to push forward, push myself, and make the change. So, I got up the next morning and right away made the dough so I could let it rest while I was at the gym (another change I’m trying to force – but that’s another story) taking away any out of time excuse I might have used considering I was due to see some of the recipients that night. I did it, I actually did it, I re-made the cookies, re-frosted them and packaged them up ready for delivery. I even remembered to bring them along. When I got to Bunco, though, I hesitated. I had two sets of Thank You cookies, one for one aunt and one for one cousin who had recently given me a birthday card and gift. What about the other aunts and cousins who had previously given me or another member of my family gifts. What would they think if they saw me handing out Thank You’s. Would they think I didn’t appreciate them? Would they think I didn’t care enough to give them thanks? Had they never noticed my lack of thanks? Would this rub salt in a wound that I inflicted by not thanking them? (I also considered the fact that I am just OCD and crazy and quite possibly making a deal out of nothing. But that’s never stopped my obsessing before and it didn’t now.)

One aunt (not the one I was giving the cookies to) in particular sticks out, she couldn’t come to one of my kids parties a while ago but sent along a beautiful card that my daughter actually treasured until it fell apart and she sent along a generous amount of money. Money that Hailey, the birthday girl, had so much fun spending that I contemplated videoing her spending it at Target just so this aunt could see how much joy she brought to my daughter. I didn’t though. I had grand plans to send a Thank You letter explaining the joy and then one thing lead to another, our vacation came and went and we were over a month out from that birthday party. I never said anything. It has bothered me when I’ve seen her at Bunco since then, and I’ve had a million conversations with her in my head over it but those don’t count.

Yet, here I stood, Thank You’s in hand for a different aunt and I couldn’t bring myself to bring attention to it. I chickened out and snuck them in their purses as I left.

I was contemplating the whole “ability to change” concept the entire ride home. Here I had pushed myself out of my element. Tried to change my ways yet I still felt horrible and overridden with guilt from previous infractions. I was happy I had over come the obstacle at least once (well twice if you count the whole “Dog ate my Thank You’s”) but still, how do I make this right on the whole issue? Should I or should I just move forward? I contemplated a 12 step program for myself “Perpetual non-card senders – Anonyms.” Then, thank to the wine at Bunco, I got sidetracked on the oxy-moron of being in an anonyms club to help cure not being upfront about something. Before I knew it I was home.

Walking up to my house from the curb where my mom dropped me off, I was set in my resolve to force this change. I hopped out with out my shoes on and hobbled across my rock landscape jumping from one brick paver to another. I only have 4 pavers and I clearly need 6. I’ve needed 2 more for over 6 years now. My dad bought the 4 for us way back before we were in this house. The 4 were perfect for the little walk way in our old house. Now, in this house they’re not enough. I’ve been 2 short for too long.  Yet another shining example of a seemingly small change that I just can’t force myself into making.

On that self hating note, I climbed into bed next to my loving, devoted husband under the roof of the welcoming home we’ve created that housed beautiful children we’re proud of and vowed a different vow. I vowed not to beat myself up over change that I couldn’t force.

I’m not giving up, I will change things about myself many times over in my life. I’m just going to try to not beat myself up over who I am, and who I am not.

11-11-11

Friday was a very special day. It was veterans day, historic 11-11-11 and my Papa's birthday. Papa would have been 76 years old. In honor of his birthday on such a historic day we did a few special things together.


We launched balloons at the cemetery after saying a few words. All the kids, even though the girls never actually knew him, said how much they loved Papa and how they missed him.

Hailey blowing kisses to follow the balloons to heaven.

Kenna blowing kisses

Despite the emotion of the day I had yet to cry until I saw Anthony like this. He stood, rooted to the spot, staring off into space like this for about 10 min's. Lost in his own memories and sadness. Papa was his best friend, he was Papa's namesake. They rarely went more than 3 days with out seeing each other. Fortunately, Anthony doesn’t remember much of Papa's battle with cancer; he only remembers his time with him. When Anthony finally looked up from his long pause, I asked him what he was thinking about. He just smiled at me. No answer, just a kind, happy smile that I know was brought from happy memories.

Later Friday night, we were celebrating my birthday at my parents house and took a break to launch Chinese Lanterns in honor of Papa. They are truly beautiful to watch.

No one was paying attention to how many we launched, we were just handing them out to everyone and lighting them. If you look at the pictures, there are 10, but watch the video, there was an 11th one that was just late rising. It was pure magic that we launched 11 balloons on 11-11-11.

It was an amazing tribute that I hope Papa was, in some way, able to witness.

“A (wo)man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams”

Quote by John Berrymore

Tomorrow is my birthday. 11-10 is my day. I use to never worry about how “old” I was getting. I took it all in strides in my 20’s, I even made jokes: “I’m not going to be 30. I’ll stop at 29” It was a joke when I said it and I truly had no grudge against 30 until it approached. My over-thinking OCD brain started into a dark downward spiral.

“What if I die before my 30^th birthday?”

“What if I get into an accident in my 30^th year and die?”

“Did I jinks myself for all those years and now I’m not going to actually be 30?”

I started looking at what I could no longer do. If I went back to school, I couldn’t fit in as one of the kids in their 20’s I’d be the adult in her 30’s. I had a whole list of things that I’d accomplished and was proud of but an even larger list of things that I felt would expire past 30. A list of regrets.

Needless to say, I put on a good show, had fun with family and friends and made an appointment with my psychologist. I made it thru and feel secure in 30. Yet, as 31 loomed, I again started feeling anxious and began building my list again. What did I do or not do this year, how am I treating my 30’s? Will I regret them when I get to 40’s?

Then, randomly, I came across this quote two days ago: “A (wo)man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams.”  

Lets just paraphrase it and say it again: You will be young as long as your list of dreams is longer than your list of regrets.

Interesting huh? Are you young or old? If I look back on how I thought of my life this time last year, I was old. This year, I’m shifting, I will now look at things left undone as future goals and dreams.

My G-ma always says “It won’t matter in 50 years.” She usually applies it to things like having a clean house, or if her shirt was ironed or not before an event. However, its kind of stuck in my head for many more things.

In 50 years:

• I will be 80 (81 after tomorrow)
• My kids will be 60, 54 and 52 years old
• I will most likely be a grandma, possibly a great grandma
• I will have had jobs, lost jobs, moved, got new cars, kept old cars
• I will hopefully taken many vacations
• I will have buried close family members
• I will hopefully dance at my children’s weddings and help them make a home of their own

Will anyone remember me, or my worse fear – judge me – for not going to college right out of high school? Will anyone remember how I kept house on a day to day basis? What about the kind of furniture I kept? Or how terrible I am with thank you cards? Will anyone know my regrets?

Will the accomplishment of my dreams and the resulting life I lead mean enough to make me feel young at 80? Will it really matter in 50 years?

Tonight, the eve of my 31^st birthday, cuddled in my husband’s arms, under the same roof as our children, I am building my list of goals and dreams for the next month, year, decade and several more after that. I will not hide my regrets nor will I write them in stone, but rather on parchment, in pencil. My future goals and dreams may have a way of making the regret disappear.

Some of my dreams are easy to identify and some take more effort to quantify. Some are dreams I will dream forever and some are bound to change through the years.

When I blow out the candles this year, my wish will be:

To live a good life filled with dreams and accomplishments, surrounded by my beautiful, devoted family and loving friends and to be strong enough to be a support towards their goals and dreams.

Pumpkin, pumpkin and more pumpkin: Recipes 7

Are you sick of pumpkin yet? Remember, just because we're cooking and making all of this now, doesn't mean you have to eat it now. Freeze it!

Speaking of freezer, here's a great recipe for Pumpkin Ice cream:

1 cup pumpkin
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 cups heavy cream
3/4 cup brown sugar
5 egg yolks
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp salt
1/8 tsp nutmeg
1 Tbsp bourbon

In a bowl, mix together the pumpkin and vanilla. Cover and refrigerate for at least 3 hours or up to 8 hours.

In a saucepan over medium heat, combine 1 1/2 cups of the cream and 1/2 cup of the brown sugar. Cook until bubbles form around the edges of the pan, about 5 minutes.

In a separate bowl, combine the egg yolks, cinnamon, ginger, salt, nutmeg, the remaining 1/2 cup cream and the remaining 1/4 cup brown sugar. Whisk until smooth and the sugar begins to dissolve.

Remove the cream mixture from the heat. Pour about half of the hot mix into the egg mix. Stir until smooth, gradually adding more of the hot mix it's all combined. Pour the egg mixture back into the pan. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon and keeping the custard at a low simmer, until it is thick enough to coat the back of the spoon and leaves a clear trail when a finger is drawn through it, 4 to 6 minutes. Do not allow the custard to boil. Strain through a paper towel lined colander. Let cool to room temperature.

Mix the pumpkin mixture into the custard. Cover with plastic wrap, pressing it directly on the surface of the custard to prevent a skin from forming. Refrigerate until chilled, at least 3 hours or up to 24 hours.

After it's chilled, pour into your ice cream maker and freeze according to the manufacture directions. Once done, scoop out into a Tupperware container. Freeze for another 3 hours or so, until firm.

I like to buy a Graham cracker crust and crumble it to sprinkle on top along with some pecans and a small drizzle of caramel.

Yum!

Pumpkin, pumpkin and more pumpkin: Recipes 6

This recipe is for my Mom-in-law who has kicked herself into a whole new healthy eating lifestyle. Not only does she feel better but she looks great to boot! Just ask my Dad-in-law!

Pumpkin Pie Shake (low fat)

1 container Yoplait light vanilla yogurt
1 cup pumpkin puree
1/2 cup strong brewed Good Earth Tea - trust me!
1 packet sweetener - yellow, Splenda tastes better in my opinion

Topping
1/2 cup fat free half and half - very cold
1 Tbsp sugar
1 tsp cinnamon

If you can be patient, mix the agave with the tea and freeze the yogurt, ice tea and the pumpkin in an ice cube tray. If you're sweet tooth won't wait, use a 1/2 cup of ice.

In your blender, blend the topping ingredients until fluffy. Scoop out into a cup. Add the remaining ingredients to the blender and blend until smooth. Pour into a pretty cup, top with the whipped cream and enjoy!

This has about 282 calories, is almost entirely fat free and has a bit over 10 grams of protein. This is good for a sweet treat after a light dinner, or as a great start to your day as breakfast.

Yum!

11-1-11

Today marks the beginning of November. I love, I celebrate, I give thanks, I cry and I cook – a lot – in November.

My birthday is this month, I’ll be – well, never mind how old I’ll be - but none the less, my birthday is part of almost every thing listed above, all except cooking. I don’t cook on my birthday. I eat out or someone in my beautiful family cooks for me. Last year was a big birthday for me and it actually sent me into kind of an OCD tail spin so I’m trying hard to look forward to this birthday and rejoice in the coming of a new year. I’m trying hard to not focus on the increasing age, the wrinkles, the increasing age and the increasing age. I never thought it would be something that ever bothered me but like many things, age has a funny way of changing things you “never thought” would happen. This year I’m looking forward to a quiet dinner with friends and family for a joint celebration of my birthday and that of my Papa.

Papa’s birthday is the 11^th, Veterans day. For as long as I can remember we celebrated our family birthday parties together. Sadly, he died 5 years ago. This year, more than those since his passing I think I’m a bit more sentimental because its 11-11-11, such a cool date for a birthday, and Papa would be 76 years old. I rarely remember the day of his death, it’s not a day I want to remember. His birthday, a celebration of his life is different, I always remember. I always get a little sad and inevitably, cry just a bit on his birthday.

That’s just the beginning of the month. The boys have another Scout camp out, I am teaching my first couples massage class (more on that later), plus Bunco and Thanksgiving. Oh, getting ready for December too, another extremely busy month for us. This year as I’ve done some years in the past, I’m planning on a mostly homemade Christmas. Meaning, the kids and I, over the next month or so, will be making most if not all the gifts for our friends and family. I love the pace of the coming months but I also remember collapsing into bed somewhere in January, weary, exhausted and wondering where in the heck the last two months vanished to.

Somehow, in all of this, I’m contemplating setting another goal for a new project for myself. This month is National Blog Posting Month. It’s a project that started years ago to help young blogs (as in age of the blog, not the blogger) stretch their writing skills. It’s since grown into a monthly project each with its own theme. November however, is the original month; there is no theme, its blogging for blogging sake. The goal is to blog every day for the entire month. Blogher who hosts NaBloPoMo (stupid acronym I know, I didn’t make it up) gives all the joint bloggers tons of press – blogsphere press – and can really help your blog reach more people. They also give away prizes, show daily featured blogs and a whole other mess of great things. I’m considering it. I have to decide by the 5^th, it’s the last day to sign up. I’m not really trying to gain big press for my little blog, but I do like reaching and connecting with other bloggers plus, I’ve kind of slacked off on posting lately (not like I’m busy or anything, just slacking) so this would force me to get back into the routine of a daily post. Given that my New Years resolution was to start this blog and the year is quickly coming to an end, this is my chance to participate in a group blogging experience.

My only hesitation is finding the time each day to post and to post something worth reading. I’ve gone back and read some of my first posts and while I love having them cataloged, they really aren’t stellar reading material. It reminds me of flounder from Little Mermaid when he’s mocking the Seagull to King Triton “It’s all, this is this, and that is that….” Bla!  So, I have to decide if I’m willing to commit the emotional and mental energy to a daily, worth while post. Of course, I’d still throw in a recipe or two every week, that won’t change.

Hum, don’t know, stay tuned I guess. Either I’ll be talking a lot this month, or nothing will change and I’ll continue to share snippets of my life here and there as I can.

Pumpkin, Pumpkin and more Pumpkin: Recipes 5

This is my mom’s recipe and one of my favorite applications for pumpkin. Sadly, there are no pictures because if I made these I’d be too tempted to eat two with coffee in the morning, one after lunch, maybe one for snack, a few after dinner…see, bad things happen when I make these. Plus add in the temptation of all the Halloween candies around my house and I’m sure you’ll understand why I am only sharing the recipe and not making the cookies for pictures.

If you have more self control than I do, by all means, go, right now, make these yummy cookies!

Pumpkin Cookies

1 Cup Sugar

1 egg

1/2 cup shortening

1 cup pumpkin

1 Tsp baking soda

2 cups flour

1/2 tsp salt

1/2 tsp nutmeg

1/2 tsp cloves (or 1/2 tsp cinnamon)

1 cup nuts (pecan or walnut)

Cream the sugar and the shortening together until light and fluffy. Add in the egg, then the pumpkin. In a separate bowl, mix the flour, soda, salt and spices. With the mixer on low, add the flour to the wet ingredients until incorporated. Using a wooden spoon, mix in the nuts.

Drop by spoonfuls onto a lightly greased baking sheet. Bake at 350 for 15-18 min.’s

These are great as they are but are even better with a light powder sugar glaze over top. Just mix ½ cup powder sugar with enough water (1 tsp at a time) until a thin runny consistency. Drizzle over top of the cookies and serve with a good cup of coffee.

Yum!

Pumpkin, Pumpkin and more Pumpkin: Recipes 4

Pumpkin Pancakes

I just made up a huge tripple batch of these for breakfast tomorrow and then extras to freeze for later. They freeze really well but I do reccomend putting a  squair of parchment paper between each pancake to help pull them apart once they're frozen.  

Pumpkin Pancakes

2 cups Pumpkin

1 cups flour

1 ¼ cup milk

1 egg

2 Tbsp melted butter

2 tsp baking powder

1 tsp baking soda

3 Tbsp brown sugar

2 tsp cinnamon

1 tsp nutmeg

½ tsp ground ginger

½ tsp salt

In bowl mix the pumpkin, milk, egg, butter and sugar. In another larger bowl, combine the flour with the remaining ingredients, substituting pumpkin pie spice for the other spices if you prefer. Add the wet ingredients to the dry ingredients, mixing until just incorperated. Don’t over mix. Let stand for 5 min’s then cook on a hot griddle until bubbles form, flipping and cooking for another 1-2 min’s.

Serve with syrup, powdered sugar, cream cheese or all three combined.

Yum!