Making Memories (Spring Break 2012)

I took the kids on a little spring vacation this week. We drove up to Phoenix, went to the aquarium, walked the mall, then onto a hotel with a heated pool and the zoo the next day. It was absolutely wonderful. They had so much fun and I smiled so much my face was actually sore. My mom and G-ma went with us and then B-pa joined us for the zoo. Brad had to work, and although he would have enjoyed seeing the kids have so much fun, he doesn’t enjoy a hotel stay like I do and decided to stay home. (Something about having someone else make the bed for me is a HUGE appeal!)

I loved the aquarium, but I have always been fascinated with the ocean and sea life. The kids favorite part, by far, was the activities inside the mall.

This, a hamster ball thing inside a pool of water, was a riot to watch. Anthony went first then surprisingly Hailey wanted to go.

Makenna had her eyes on the merry-go-round.

 I posted on Facebook that this picture reminds me that I need to be more like her and find such pure joy in simple things. She was absolutely glowing the entire ride.

Anthony also got to jump on a trampoline with bungees attached to him that made him jump over 20ft off the ground.

Once the kids exhausted themselves in the pool after dinner (Rainforest café!) mom, G-ma and I were talking about memories. What do we remember from our childhood, do we remember any vacations, trips or special days?

I remember my mom taking me and my best friend, Becca, up to Pheonix for the night when I turned 13, she took us to a huge mall, let us get makeup, try on fun clothes and just have a great girls weekend. I remember taking a trip back east when I was about 10 years old, driving from Az to Chichago to visit some of my dad’s family. My mom read allowed to me for most of the trip. The book was Ken Follett’s Pillars of the Earth. I’ve loved his books ever since.

I have some very random memories of our first house here in Tucson, (I was born in Colorado and moved here when I was 2) and some more of the second house but most of the memories are snap shots of times that were ‘ordinary.’They’re every day type of memories: My first garden, a neighbor kid stapling a bit of his finger while my dad was on the phone, being sick with the flu and getting to sleep on the couch all night, things like that.

So, the conversation made me wonder, what will my kids remember? Will they remember this trip? Given that none of the 3 of us adults talking could specifically remember special events that our parents did for us; I’m guessing that they probably won’t.

At first, I was a bit upset by this realization. What’s the point if they won’t remember this? Isn’t part of the point in doing things like this to build memories? But then I got to thinking a bit more about what my mom said about all the things my parents did for me and how without even specifically remembering the events, I was doing similar things for my kids. On the drive up to Phoenix, I read out loud to Anthony (The Hunger Games), my leprechaun traditions stemmed from my mom doing similar things, cooking together, late night movies together, all those type of this are things I now do for my kids. So, maybe it’s not so much building memories, but traditions. It’s that whole ‘living by example.’ I’m the mom I am today because of the way I was raised.

I feel asleep with the thought that not only did we get to have fun with the kids but us adults will have this memory for a long time and the kids, though they may not remember later in life, will use these experiences with their children.

(Poetic huh! Did I mention we stayed at a hotel with an open happy hour? Oh, I missed that part, sorry.)

The next day we went to the Phoenix Zoo. I will say, I was really excited to see the zoo after I learned that it’s one of the top 10 in the nation, but, honestly, I didn’t enjoy it as much as I had hoped. First, we bought the “Wild admission” to give us extra access to certain events. I won’t do that again because it didn’t include the camel rides, and although the sting ray petting was cool, it’s not something I could see my kids wanting to do twice since there’s no time limit once you’re in. Second, if you’re going with kids, and let’s face it, most of us only go to the zoo with kids, go to the right first. The right side has the enchanted forrest, the merry-go-round, the petting zoo and the play farm. We, unfortunately, went to the left first. The left is mostly desert animals and a lot of walking between exhibits. Don’t get me wrong, the kids liked it, but by the time we got over to the ‘fun’ part, everyone was exhausted and out of energy.

The kids did like the cammel ride though. I loved that they all three wanted to ride together. That's so rare!

Needless to say, after two crazy days, the ride home was quiet! The kids couldn’t wait to tell dad all about their adventures and claimed it was “the bestest vacation eber!”

First day

Today was the girls first time at “school.”

I enrolled them into a daycare/preschool for every Monday while I go into work. They will just be going on Mondays for the first half of the day but it’s a good experience for them. Hailey has wanted to go to school for over a year now. She’s was so upset when she heard Sara, my niece, was going to school. Hailey cried! “Mom, why does Sara get to go to school, I’m OLDER than her!” So, Friday, when I took them to Sara’s school to enroll they both were thrilled! Hailey kept telling everyone all weekend that she was “Finally old enough for preschool!”

They did great today. Kenna and Sara are in the same class and Hailey is in the 4-5’s. At first I was a bit worried about Hailey being separated from the girls and I asked that she be allowed to stay with the younger class for a bit to get used to it if she needed to. The teacher said though that when it was time to separate, Hailey was fine going to her “big girl class.”

Last night, despite telling everyone in the store all day Sunday about going to school, Hailey had a total melt down. She was crying for over 2 hours before we could get her calmed down. She started out by asking me:

“Mom, can I get up early tomorrow so you can teach me my letters and numbers?” I told her that she wasn’t expected to know them before she went to preschool, that’s what preschool was for, to help her learn. I think she understood that, but it was just a gateway for her tears. She started  crying and crying saying she was going to miss us too much, she didn’t want to go. She kept repeating over and over that she just wanted to stay home with her family. We tried everything from 4 year old logic to reasoning with her, eventually, watching Phineas and Ferb while cuddled in our bed with us did the trick. She woke up the next morning back to her chipper excited self.

Poor girl was plagued by the night time-worries just like us adults get. Lights go off, brain goes on. At least, in my case that’s true. Maybe she’s just a victim of genetics. Regardless, she survived to tell the tale and is, for now, super excited to go back next Monday.

I was supposed to go to Phoenix this week but fortunately (and a bit unfortunately – I was kind of looking forward to housekeeping service) that’s been canceled so, we’ll spend this week getting ready for those naughty Leprechauns! We are going to make a trap to try and catch one, and we have a few other crafts we’re going to do this week. I love St Patrick’s Day! It’s so much fun for the kids.

Family Village

Thanks to my fantastic family, we all survived this last 8 days of me at work. You know the phrase: “it takes a village…” Well, I’m lucky enough to be surrounded by a village. My mom and step-dad watched the big kids every day after school and the little girls almost every other day. My sis-in-law and mom-in-law took a day each to watch the little girls and Brad even took a day to work from home. My dad and step-mom even helped out all the way from Texas! Even non family members, our best friends (family of our hearts), helped out tremendously. I feel so blessed. I never had to worry about the kids, where they were or if they were ok.

They had a blast every day! Picnics, McDonnalds, trips to the Park, sleep-overs, art projects, treasure hunts and rocket building. I tried to have a crock-pot meal ready to go every day so whenever we got home we had a good home cooked meal ready for us. By about Wednesday I kind of petered out. I was tired, cranky and ready to just be home. As it happens, that was the day of my first paycheck, so I treated us all to sushi and pizza. (Lovely combo huh! It made the car stink! But I wanted to treat Anthony too and he doesn’t like sushi.) Despite the great dinner and my blast to clean up the house, Thursday wasn’t any easier. Never the less, I survived Thursday made it to Friday and rewarded us with dinner out and a movie.

The question everyone kept asking me was if this time in the office was making me want to go back to work? In truth, I never wanted to be a stay at home mom. Years ago (I call it another life time) I was a big-wig at a call center dealing with fortune 500 companies. I loved it, absolutely loved it and miss it often. The problem is, I can’t do anything ½ way. Its genetic. I can only give all of myself to something, not parts. So, back then, I worked 12-14 hrs a day and over 80 hours a week including weekends. I hardly ever saw my family and was not the mom I should have been to Anthony, nor the wife I should have been for Brad. Thankfully, again, my village pitched in a raised Anthony into the beautiful spirit he is today.

 After 5 years of running at full steam, I crashed.  My marriage was on the rocks, my son and I weren’t connected the way we should be, my extended family barely knew me anymore and my health was severely lacking.

It took me a few years to recover. Wondering thru my life trying to figure out if I could balance who I wanted to be and who I was in a working environment. I tried staying home during that time and ended up sleeping more often than anything so that wasn’t healthy. I went to massage school for a year, loved it, but never pursued my license.  Massage school was the equivalent of my college experience that I never had but working in the plinky-plunky, touchy-feely environment just didn’t appeal to me on a long term basis. So, I was still wondering.

Eventually I had to get another job, so I found one that had no room for advancement, no corporate ladder available and had set hours that were worthless to work past since no one, ever, anywhere, ever did. As I’m sure you could guess, I hated it, it was boring, pointless.

Then, in 2007, my life changed dramatically. I got the chance to start over. The chance to do it right. I became a mother to a second baby and, 16 months after that, a 3^rd baby. It wasn’t until the girls were born that I felt like I fit in my world again. Starting from the beginning of the girls childhood allowed me to grow into the mother roll that I always felt like I missed. I am able to connect with Anthony more now than I ever feel like I did before. Being a stay at home mom to multiple kids was and is what my spirit was looking for.

All of that long story being said, the answer to the question is yes, I want to go back to work. Someday. Right now, my place is here at home with my kids and I love that I can do it. The on Call job I started 5 years ago has given me the perfect balance between keeping a pay check, being able to help clients yet keep my focus completely on my family. Going into this new job, working in the office for the last 8 days has been fun and renewing to my worker spirit but I have no desire, yet, to stay in an office. The nice thing about my new company is that when I’m ready, there are a million places I can go. I can go into any one of the 20 local offices, pick up more offices for on call or even transfer to another state if I ever wanted to.

For now, I’m so grateful to have the opportunity to stay home with my kids, run my house and give my all to being a 1950’s housewife, all while working a worthy job that helps financially support the family. It’s my time in life to be a part of the village, not rely on it.

Professional Photo Shoot

I swear, the gals (I assume somewhere at a JCPenneys far away there is a male photographer) that take the pictures have to be just about ½ crazy to do it. I would wager a bet that it’s part of the job application process; a psych evaluation.

Fail normal sanity?

Work at JCPenneys!

Now, don’t get me wrong, they’re not idiots or incapable of their job, it’s the exact opposite in fact. They are so patient, so kind and so “go with the flow” with so many screaming, non-participating, pain in the ass kids that they have to be 6 short of a dozen. That whole ignorance is bliss theory.

None of that takes into account the overly picky mothers, grandmothers and wana-be glamour-shots-rejects that then, after “she” has coaxed smiles and snapped pictures at lightning speed (capturing a fart that somehow distorted the kids face into a fake smile – all while pretending not to sniff), now has to suffer thru all the crop’s, touch up’s, fake holiday borders and sepia color changes. By the end of the photo shoot “she” sounds much more like an optometrist (number 1…or number 2? Better this….or This?) than a photographer yet I’m quite certain she is paid much, much less.

One circle of hell (for me) would certainly be being a JCPenney Photo girl.

That being said, our Angel with a Camera did a fantastic job taking our group of 4 adults, 2 grandparents and 3 children and turning us into a beautiful collage of family.

All of us: My Dad and Step-mom, my 5 and my brothers

Just the parents and kids

And one of the added borders, shaded backround, black and white, red-eye reduced, stray hair clipped out, just right but not gonna actually purchase, amalgamations:

The Grandparents and Grandkids

And finally, my classic 5.

See the lollie pop? Yep, I'm ok with it because she wasn't screaming. Plus, the look on her face is 100% genuine. "See - I scream, I get the lollie - nananabooboo!"

Its almost too bad Grannie (my mom) wasn't there with the can of whipped cream. Although, I can see a million ways that would have gone bad. :)

Happy Birthday Anthony!

11 years ago today, after a grueling 72 hours of labor Brad and I welcomed Anthony into our life. We were surrounded by family and friends and his life has remained as such and hopefully always will.

Brad and I met in college, a human sexuality class actually.  I was 19 and he was 20. Anthony was not planned but absolutely wanted. Brad and I had only been dating a short while when we found out we were expecting. The scared teenage girl in me was so afraid Brad would run when I told him we were going to have a baby. He came to my apartment that night and I handed him the book: What to Expect When You're Expecting. He looked at it, flipped thru the pages for a second and asked: "Is this what we're doing our final project?"
Me: "Well, not exactly (cue tears), I'm pregnant."
In my mind, he jumped over the back of the sofa, bolted out the door and floored his truck as fast as he could! In reality, he held me while I sobbed until I was quiet enough for him to talk, and then said: “Jen, I already know I love you, and I know I will love this baby, let's make this work."

He moved in the next day and we've been together ever since. It hasn't always been easy and we've had our difficulties, but 11 years, 2 more kids, 4 houses, 6 jobs and countless hours of life changing moments, we're still here, still making it work. But, this is Anthony's story, not ours.

Anthony was an only child for 7 years. He was raised by a village of grandparents, mostly my Papa and my Mom and Step-Dad. On the day he was born, our family took up almost the entire waiting room! We didn't know if I was carrying a boy or a girl nor did we tell everyone our name choices. After I delivered, and the baby was all cleaned up, everyone piled into our little room. My youngest brother Marc got to tell everyone that we had a boy and Brad and I announced his name, Anthony Joseph. My Papa, his namesake, took a few moments to process that we named the baby after him, then, once he realized it, he fell to his knees.

In so many ways, Anthony is still an only child being that there is such a gap between him and his sisters. Yet, knowing who he was even before they were born, it was absolutely right for him to be the much older, bigger brother. He needed that 7 years of focused time with us and he needed the wisdom and maturity of the 7 years to handle the chaos that is two younger sisters. He is a great big brother and loves his sisters in an immeasurable way. They fight, they yell and then cuddle up together on the couch watching kids shows. He shares his popcorn, teaches them how to play games and makes them breakfast every morning.

Anthony has the most genuine heart of anyone I’ve ever known. He is always looking out for those around him and will give anything he has to help someone. He loves Legos and has an engineering mind. He can re-create almost anything via drawing or Legos. He has an artistic talent that continues to grow and amaze us. He just recently has taken up origami, the trumpet and rocket building with his B-pa. He excels at math and spends hours on end lost in his own imagination. He has worn a path into our back yard from where he walks one side to the other thinking, talking to himself and acting out his imaginary plans.

You know that question about having a super hero power? If you could have one super hero power what would it be? I would love to say invisibility but because of Anthony, I would ask for the ability to read minds. I would give anything to see the world the way he does, to be able to view his imagination at work. He gives us glimps of it in his art work, but I know it pails in comparison to what he actually creates in his mind.

He’s impulsive, scatter brained, messy, and often suffers from tunnel vision but I wouldn’t trade any of those characteristics for anything else because they are part of the beautiful young man he is. He is the sum of so many parts and always creating or adding new facets to his personality. I love the stage of life he’s in now but can’t wait to see the man he will become.

Happy Birthday my Anthony, I love you!


Spring 2011

Fall 2010

Sorry this one is sideways but its a drawing Anthony did the day Hailey was born, he drew it with watercolor pencil.

Winter 2003

2002

Summer 2010

11-11-11

Friday was a very special day. It was veterans day, historic 11-11-11 and my Papa's birthday. Papa would have been 76 years old. In honor of his birthday on such a historic day we did a few special things together.


We launched balloons at the cemetery after saying a few words. All the kids, even though the girls never actually knew him, said how much they loved Papa and how they missed him.

Hailey blowing kisses to follow the balloons to heaven.

Kenna blowing kisses

Despite the emotion of the day I had yet to cry until I saw Anthony like this. He stood, rooted to the spot, staring off into space like this for about 10 min's. Lost in his own memories and sadness. Papa was his best friend, he was Papa's namesake. They rarely went more than 3 days with out seeing each other. Fortunately, Anthony doesn’t remember much of Papa's battle with cancer; he only remembers his time with him. When Anthony finally looked up from his long pause, I asked him what he was thinking about. He just smiled at me. No answer, just a kind, happy smile that I know was brought from happy memories.

Later Friday night, we were celebrating my birthday at my parents house and took a break to launch Chinese Lanterns in honor of Papa. They are truly beautiful to watch.

No one was paying attention to how many we launched, we were just handing them out to everyone and lighting them. If you look at the pictures, there are 10, but watch the video, there was an 11th one that was just late rising. It was pure magic that we launched 11 balloons on 11-11-11.

It was an amazing tribute that I hope Papa was, in some way, able to witness.